


Auto-Saboteur

by Cranberrytaboo



Category: Disco Elysium (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst with a Happy Ending, Discussions of Suicide, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, References to Suicide, They're working out the difficult details, Unhealthy Behavior, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unwarranted Pushing of Boundaries, not really suicidal ideation, suicidal behavior
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:41:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23472631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cranberrytaboo/pseuds/Cranberrytaboo
Summary: Harry slips back into some of his past behaviors. Kim is decidedly not thrilled by this. They have a serious discussion.
Relationships: Harry Du Bois/Kim Kitsuragi
Comments: 9
Kudos: 53





	Auto-Saboteur

YOU – The snow crunches beneath your feet as you wander your way up from the coast. It’s so late now that no one can be found wandering the dirt pathways, and even Lilienne has retired from her post where she watches the waves come in.

RHETORIC – You remember how you asked her out on a date- in front of Kim? Nice job.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – Please finish off that pilsner in your hands before you have to think about that any longer.

YOU – You down the bottle to its last dregs. It’s your second of the night.

HAND/EYE COORDINATION – And judging by how frequently you’ve been scratching your nose, it’s not the only thing in your system right now.

YOU – You make your way up the stairwell past the water lock. Continuing eastward. You pass by the lieutenant’s Kineema.

PERCEPTION(SIGHT) – You see your face in the glass of the window. Your cheeks are ruddy and splotchy, and your nose is so red you swear it’s going to start a communist revolution.

INLAND EMPIRE – Only a few more shambling minutes and you’ll be at the Whirling-in-Rags.

YOU – You open the glass doors to the Whirling-in-Rags, taking in the bright glow from the disco lights. Many of the patrons have already retired, but some are still up and about.

TITUS HARDIE – “The coppernado!” He gives you a friendly smirk. “What brings you out here so late?”

YOU – Why… am I here?

You stop a moment before coming up with a suitable answer.

“Business matters, Titus. There’s something I wanna investigate.”

TITUS HARDIE – He quirks a brow, then decides he doesn’t really care all that much. “Sure, whatever you say, copper man.” He lifts his mug to his lips.

AUTHORITY – How is it that everyone in this goddamn place but you can get a drink?

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT – I mean, would *you* deny a drink to Titus fucking Hardie?

TITUS HARDIE – The man lowers his mug. Even under his jacket, you can see the definition of muscles that remind you no, you would not deny a drink to Titus fucking Hardie.

“Catch you around, then. Watch yourself.” He gives you a conspiratorial wink before returning his attention to the other Boys.

YOU – Creep your way up the stairwell like a lion on the prowl.

ENCYCLOPEDIA [Easy: Success] – Lions do indeed stalk their prey before going in for the kill.

SAVOIR FAIRE [Medium: Failure] – But you won’t be stalking much of anything in your current state. It’s less ‘creeping’ and more ‘stumbling up.’

SHIVERS – Someone has seen us! Our position is compromised, our cover is blown!

MISS ORANJE DISCO DANCER – Klaasje affixes you with an inquisitive, bemused smile. “What exactly are you doing, Detective?”

YOU – Falter under her scrutiny.

“I was just… I was just messing around. Sorry you had to see that.”

AUTHORITY – No! Do not be sorry cop.

MISS ORANJE DISCO DANCER – She pauses a moment before smiling calmly, though it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “Oh, well then. Sorry to interrupt your fun.” She heads towards her own room. “Good night, Detective.”

EMPATHY – She genuinely didn’t mean to spoil that for us.

LOGIC – It’s for the best. We probably looked pretty fucking creepy.

YOU – Return to the place it all began.

You enter what was once your room at the Whirling-in-Rags. It remains largely unchanged, the door still swung wide open despite Garte’s threats about the magnetic lock. To the left, you see your goal.

The bathroom has definitely been picked up, at least a little bit, since what you assume to be your own drunken rampage through it. You can’t help but feel a bit sheepish.

COMPOSURE – Someone has been using this shared space for a while.

VOLITION – And that brings us to our target.

YOU – Your intuition was correct. On the opposite side of the bathroom to your room stands an intact door. As far as you can guess…

ESPRIT DE CORPS – The lieutenant’s room is on the other side.

LOGIC – And how could we not be curious about it? He’s so mysterious.

RHETORIC – Maybe if we asked nicely.

AUTHORITY – Absolutely not. We have a right to know more about the man we’re working with.

INTERFACING – We could try to get the lock open with a pin.

PERCEPTION(HEARING) [Hard: Success] – On the other side of the door, you hear the faint sound of a page turning. The lieutenant is still awake. He would likely hear your attempts to pick his door open.

ENDURANCE – So, you’re going to throw yourself against the door and burst it open, aren’t you?

YOU – Oh, yes I am. One, two…

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT [Formidable: Success] – After taking a few steps back, you charge shoulder first against the door, throwing your entire weight against it. It comes open with ease, and you stagger into the room.

PERCEPTION(HEARING) – There’s a strangled gasp, and the sound of something heavy being lifted from wood.

KIM KITSURAGI – The lieutenant is looking at you with a panicked expression from where he sits on the bed. His legs are thrown over the side, and he has a table lamp in his right hand.

LOGIC – No doubt to defend himself from what he thought was an intruder.

KIM KITSURAGI – The shock fades from his face, only to be replaced by confusion and measured frustration. “Detective? What--…”

RHETORIC – How refreshing that *he’s* the one at a loss for words this time.

KIM KITSURAGI – “…. Are you doing? Why did you burst down that door?” He carefully sets the lamp back onto the nightstand.

ENCYCLOPEDIA [Medium: Success] – The book thrown to the side of the bed is “Making Metropolis”, a dry non-fiction study about Revachol as a center of commerce, financially and culturally.

SUGGESTION – It sounds mind-numbingly boring.

YOU – Explain yourself to Kim.

“Well, I just… you know! I wanted to know what it was like. Your room.”

KIM KISTURAGI – “Well, are you satisfied?” The lieutenant rises to his feet, seeming unimpressed.

AUTHORITY [Difficult: Failure] – Why is he standing up? Is that a challenge?

EMPATHY – No, you psychopath. He just doesn’t like feeling vulnerable.

YOU – “Not really.”

KIM KITSURAGI – Bewildered doesn’t begin to describe the look that he is giving you now.

LOGIC – Why did Kim almost throw a lamp at you? Doesn’t he have his gun?

YOU – “Yeah. Where’s your gun? What if you needed to defend yourself from someone?”

KIM KISTURAGI – “Like a drunken man charging down the door to the washroom?” His eyes scan your flushed face and land on your irritated nose. You’ve been scratching like a madman and it shows.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – Busted.

KIM KITSURAGI – “I keep my gun with my other affects. It would be irresponsible of me to leave it out on the nightstand.”

YOU – “Ahh, but what if someone with a gun had broken in?”

You pull out your own gun for emphasis.

EMPATHY – I don’t like that you did that.

LOGIC – Oh come on, it isn’t loaded. We haven’t found any bullets.

SUGGESTION – And Kim knows that, right?

ESPRIT DE CORPS – The lieutenant is tense. Years of training have led him to assume that any gun is loaded, even yours. After all, he doesn’t know if you were able to find bullets for it while you two were apart.

KIM KISTURAGI – “If someone with a gun broke in, I’d be dead anyway, because they would have shot me already.” His expression is unreadable.

LOGIC [Legendary: Failure] – Checks out to me.

YOU – “Well, but… like… What if he was trying to hold you hostage, then?”

You scratch your temple with the barrel of the gun facing your skull.

HALF LIGHT – WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING.

INTERFACING – Your muscles remember doing this before.

EMPATHY – The lieutenant’s entire body is as stiff as a board.

KIM KISTURAGI – He lifts his hands carefully, slowly. His eyes are fixed on you, darting between your head and the gun in your hands. Too quickly. “Detective… Put the gun down.”

AUTHORITY – His tone is firm, commanding.

SUGGESTION – But he’s softening the edges of it. Trying to make it sound like lowering the gun is the best option.

YOU – Dig yourself deeper.

“Why are you so worried about it, huh? Aw, Kim, do you care about me?”

ESPRIT DE CORPS – There’s a nearly imperceptible twitch.

LOGIC [Medium: Success] – We’ve done this before.

INLAND EMPIRE – Countless times, and now…

YOU – We’re spiraling back into it again.

“Come on, calm down, won’t you? Besides…”

You lift the gun until it faces the ceiling above the both of you, and you pull the trigger.

EMPATHY – The lieutenant flinches. Hard.

COMPOSURE – And his hands go to his ears on instinct.

ESPRIT DE CORPS – Preparing for the bang that never came.

YOU – “No bullets. Remember?”

KIM KISTURAGI – The lieutenant is silent for what feels like an eternity. His hands lower back to his sides, then grip. Tight. The confusion, the fear melts away from his face, replaced by white hot fury.

COMPOSURE – Well, we did it. We broke his walls right down.

EMPATHY – Oh god, oh no, this was so the wrong thing to do.

LOGIC – Harry, remember when we told you to not fuck it up with Kim?

KIM KISTURAGI – The lieutenant storms over to you and grabs the gun from your hands.

YOU – Let him.

KIM KISTURAGI – He checks the safety on it before tossing it to the side.

LOGIC – You fucked it up.

KIM KISTURAGI – “Detective! What in god’s name were you thinking, pulling a stunt like that?” He is livid.

YOU – You try to focus on the lieutenant’s tirade, but your head is screaming at you louder than he is.

EMPATHY – He hates us!

INLAND EMPIRE – He’s going to give up on us, and it’s all because of what you did!

HALF LIGHT – It’s all over.

SHIVERS – We ruined everything!

RHETORIC – You ruined everything.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – Time to go drink ourselves into oblivion again.

ENCYCLOPEDIA – Yes, just like last time. And the time before, and then before that, and—

YOU – “Shut the *fuck* up!”

The room is silent. Your head, too, falls quiet.

KIM KISTURAGI – The lieutenant’s mouth hangs half-open with words still unsaid.

ESPRIT DE CORPS [Easy: Success] – His mouth pulls too tightly at the corners, for a brief moment.

EMPATHY [Easy: Success] – His eyes are full of hurt.

YOU – Scramble to try and reassure the lieutenant.

“Wait, Kim…!” Now your hands are lifting, outward, trying to placate the man before you. “Kim, I wasn’t talking to you, I didn’t mean for you to shut up, I would *never*…”

KIM KITSURAGI – His jaw clenches. He’s trying to regain himself.

ESPRIT DE CORPS – A part of him is ashamed of his outburst. He knows you need help.

YOU – You can’t take this anymore. You fall to your knees. Your eyes well up with tears, hot and painful. 

KIM KISTURAGI – The lieutenant kneels down before you, gaze fixed on you. Paying attention to every word.

YOU – You try to gather yourself enough to even begin to explain how sorry you are.

“Kim, back there, I… I just, I wanted to…”

RHETORIC [Godly: Failure] – There’s no way around saying this that will make us look good.

YOU – “I needed to… I was half-fucking around, but… I wanted to… I wanted to see you caring about me, worried about me…”

SUGGESTION – Manipulative bastard.

KIM KISTURAGI – The lieutenant’s brows furrow.

ESPRIT DE CORPS – Before him, he sees a truly broken, desperate man. A part of him can relate.

ENDURANCE – He’s never been like this, though.

EMPATHY – Because he holds himself to a higher standard.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – Too high.

KIM KISTURAGI – “Detective… No.” He pauses. “Harry. It should be clear from our interactions that I do care about your well-being. I suppose… I’ve been less than apparent. But this…” He gestures around the both of you vaguely, but you know what he means. “This can’t happen. I won’t sit by and let you spiral like this.”

COMPOSURE – Promise?

YOU – Look at Kim.

You finally make eye contact with the lieutenant again. He’s still perched on his knees beside you, and now his arms are over you, hands resting on your shoulders, steadying you. His expression is calmer, now. He’s still upset, but less so.

EMPATHY [Medium: Success] – He’s worried, instead. He’s starting to see just how deep the scars run.

ESPRIT DE CORPS – His mind flips through page after page of information, landing on that horrendous necktie. The implications fill him with an unspeakable dread.

YOU – Remind the lieutenant that you’re here. Prove that you’re willing to do better.

SAVOIRE FAIRE [Formidable: Failure] And just how do you suggest we do that?

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – I have an idea.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT [Medium: Success] – With the lieutenant’s hands already on your shoulders, it’s simple to pull him against you by the waist.

INTERFACING – Simpler still is cupping the back of his head and pulling him into a kiss.

EMPATHY – You expected him to tense up, to freeze up. He follows expectations.

SUGGESTION – You didn’t expect him to cup your jaw, to kiss back. He betrays expectations.

PERCEPTION(Taste) – Mint. The last remnants of his nightly cigarette.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – The high you’re getting from this is unbelievable.

KIM KISTURAGI – The lieutenant pulls his head back after a few impassioned moments, holding your head steady so you won’t chase him.

AUTHORITY – Who does he think he is?

KIM KISTURAGI – “Harry. I mean it. Give me your word.”

YOU – Give the man your word.

“I want to do better. I will do better.” You pause. “I mean it.”

KIM KISTURAGI – He closes his eyes for a moment, then nods. “Good.”

INLAND EMPIRE – But what if we slip and fall? What if we fail again?

COMPOSURE – God knows we will.

ESPRIT DE CORPS – The lieutenant knows, too. But he also knows how much you mean it when you say you want to be better. So, he will give you his hand, help you time after time, until you’re back up again.

EMPATHY – No matter how long it takes.

**Author's Note:**

> It was only a matter of time before I wrote something seriously fucked up, but this is Harrier du Bois we're talking about. Harry has a lot of shit he needs to work through, and I feel like his less than healthy behavior needed to be addressed, lol.  
> This fic has fewer checks than my others, as it's more about the conversation that Harry is having in his mind than about the success and failure of his faculties.  
> This one is much darker than the others I've written, but I hope it's enjoyable nonetheless~


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